Not Perfect, But Who Is
by wildfirexpassion
Summary: First installment of the Not Perfect series, A couple of one-shots that evolve around each other. Basically it's why Ianto and Owen aren't shooting each other in S2. Set in the time line when Jack left in 1:13
1. Wounds

"OW!"

"Oh please." Owen said, rolling his eyes. "Don't be a baby."

"You did that on purpose." Ianto gritted his teeth.

"Okay, we'll play your way then. I'll _not_ do _anything _on purpose, how would that be for you?" Owen said, aggravated. He stood. "At the rate you're going, you're going to bleed to death right here on the operation table. How does a slow and painful keel-over sound to you? Appealing?"

They were all tense; their feeling of safety had flew out the window as soon as they realised that Jack had disappeared. Owen had handed over his position to Gwen, who was now second in command. First in command as of now, and none of them felt safe like they did with Jack. That was why Ianto was bleeding; he had panicked during a Weevil capture. He had never panicked before.

Ianto took a deep breath, wincing as the motion erupted pain in his upper chest. His fingers clenched the metal sides of the bed unconsciously, and then he just...relaxed. He let all of his worries and frustrations float away as he closed his eyes and titled his head back. "I'm sorry."

Owen raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

"I said I'm sorry. For shooting you, for everything. I'm sorry."

And maybe that moment was when everything changed for them.


	2. Things We Have In Common

"Erm, guys!"

Owen raised an eyebrow. Ianto did likewise but concealed it with a polite smile. Toshiko didn't even look up from her laptop.

"Well, we're short one team member. Before I came along Jack told me it was a team of five members - Suzie, Jack, and you three. Well, I was thinking."

"Oh bloody hell, no." Owen groaned.

Gwen narrowed her eyes at him but continued on as if he hadn't said anything. "I was thinking - we need another team member. When you got hurt," She said to Ianto, "It made me realise that we need some one reliable to help us out every once and awhile."

Ianto stared at her with dread. It was like she was making this official - Jack's not coming back. Gwen Cooper, former newbie, was now running Torchwood. Slowly, Ianto looked at Owen and Toshiko. And they were all letting it happen.

"Okay!" Owen said brightly, springing from his chair. "Ianto, you go make the fliers. Make sure it says, "Help wanted! Needed skills: fire arm knowledge, alien-artifact notations, oh, and you got to be suicidal because when this is all said and done, you're gonna die and we're going to shove you in a box in the morgue and you're never going to be seen again.' Meanwhile I'll go prepare. Do you think I should go for the mad scientist look or...?"

Ianto looked away so none of them would see the quirk of his lips, the humour in his eyes. He had never liked Owen; they shared a mutual tolerant/hate relationship, if it could be said they even had a relationship of any kind, but Ianto had to admit that the man did have his moments.

Toshiko bit down on her lip as she looked down at the screen of her laptop, fighting a smile.

Gwen Cooper, however, was not amused in the slightest. Her eyes narrowed at Owen as she glared at him, before she promptly turned her back to him and addressed only Toshiko and Ianto. Ianto dispensed of his amusement and stood straight, portraying a blank face.

"I'm not joking with this. We're shorthanded and with this, it can be dangerous - to the point of deadly. We need another person when we're out on the field; we need another person to watch our backs when we're dealing with things that are way over our heads. We _can't_ go to anybody with anything we do! We can't call for help, or backup, or anything else."

Ianto knew this. Toshiko knew this. And Owen knew this - probably better than all of them.

"So, cooperate with me please. I've got three people that will be coming in. We'll need to temp all of them - separately, see how they work on the field, et cetera. Ianto, Owen, Toshiko, I'll need all of your help."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Who does she think she is?"

Ianto braced himself for the onslaught as Owen barged into the room. Ianto continued filling the cups with coffee, preparing for Gwen's "temps", and set them on the table in front of him.

"Gwen_ bloody PC_ Cooper! First day on the job? Did she set her desk on fire? Did she accidentally spill her coffee all over her papers? Oh, no worries! She just released a alien gas that completely controlled some girl and then went and screwed people to death! I think that's not too bad, eh?"

Ianto felt himself nodding. Why? He couldn't have agreed with Owen. But he had to admit, even if it just was to himself, that he was just as frustrated as Owen was. Jack just wouldn't up and leave them - he had to have a reason. Did he feel threatened? Maybe he had gotten sick of them all and just decided to -...

"Does she think we're stupid or something? That whole load of rubbish about us 'not being able to turn to anyone' blah blah blah crap. I wonder if those people of hers are all cops? Maybe she's starting some kind of freaky club or something. If you've seen one cop, you've seen them all - they're all alike. Them and their 'human emotion' shtick. Gwen thinks we're all robots, most likely, and what do you want to bet she'll have all of use replaced by the end of the year? Well, if she thinks I'm going to train some gawky kid who has the attention span of a dead eel, then she is dead wrong!"

One cup to go. Ianto picked up the brown mug and froze - Jack's cup. It didn't look like anything special - it was a brown mug with no other markings. It was chipped on one side. The handle was worn. The bottom of the cup inside was stained and remained that way no matter how hard Ianto scrubbed, washed, and bleached. But Jack wouldn't drink from any other mug.

Ianto walked over to the cabinet and opened it and slowly set the cup aside to one corner. All of the other mugs were set neatly in rows, Owen's, Ianto's, Toshiko's, and Gwen's. He felt unease as he stared at the brown mug with his brow furrowed. Finally he moved it to the very front of all the other mugs and closed the cabinet.

Owen sighed behind him. "Look what Jack has done to us all. He's even got you taking care of his mug."

Ianto turned to face him, surprised. "What?"

"Oh don't even go there Ianto. We all know that brown mug of his. We all know that you're the only one who sets foot in that damn office of his just to make sure that all of his papers are stacked in neat, orderly rows and then dust the window so it doesn't get dirty and disturb the view of the main room. He's got you so..._set_ that everything you do fits in with Jack. Jack always gets the first round of coffee, and he always, _always_ has you running around like his own personal lap dog. That does tricks."

"I'm not Jack's lap dog."

Owen snorted. "Then why haven't you left? No word from Jack, no orders, not even a _postcard._ Maybe we should all admit it that when Jack left, he left for good. And it was because of us."

"Why haven't I left?" Ianto said. "Because I have some faith, Owen. Because I trust that even though we royally screwed up, Jack wouldn't just tire of us so quickly. I haven't left because even though Gwen is acting like the world is going to bloody end tomorrow, I won't leave her to deal with all of this herself. I wouldn't leave Toshiko no one to talk with when she feels like Gwen wouldn't understand and your too high and mighty to care. I haven't left because, even though you are arrogant and you treat me like complete and total crap, I wouldn't leave you to fight a battle by yourself. Whether you admit it or not, Owen, you need Gwen and Tosh. You need me and you need Jack. Because no one would put up with you and you know it."

Owen regarded him calmly. "I guess we finally have something in common, right Ianto?"

Ianto sighed and turned back on the coffee maker. "I guess we do."


	3. The Weevils Are Coming!

Ianto just _had_ to end up with the only American, didn't he?

Silently cursing Gwen up and down, Ianto politely served the three "temps" - two teas and one coffee. He noticed that Gwen didn't have an temp - so while the remainder of Torchwood trained clueless nitwits, Gwen got off the hook? What if they accidentally set the whole building on fire? Run screaming away when they met the weavils? Or, even worse, mess with Myfanwy's special sauce?

If Jack came back to Torchwood alive, then Ianto was going to bloody _murder_ him. If he didn't come back alive, Ianto was still going to murder him!

"Okay, you all know why you're here." Gwen said, with a look at Owen. He hadn't said anything to her all day, and he was pointedly ignoring them all. Ianto didn't feel the least bit sorry for Gwen. She deserved Owen's frosty attitude - it's not like she ever gave any of them a choice. If Jack was here...

"Now, remember, this is only a trial run. You'll be introduced to different scenarois, et cetera.

"Ianto, you'll be training Jared. Toshiko, you'll have Casey, and Owen...you'll have Braise."

"Lovely," Owen said with so much sencirity that only Toshiko, Gwen, and Ianto knew he was being as sarcastic as possible.

Ianto sighed. "What's first?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You have a pet dragon?"

Ianto glanced behind him. "Ptdactidyll. She's not a pet, and it'd be best for your health if you don't treat her like one."

Ianto felt a tinge of guilt. Myfanwy did have her days when she was cranky, but she'd never intentionally harm some one. Ianto had hand raised her himself, she was a harmless as a puppy. Still, whether she was a pet or not, she deserved to be treated like a wild animal. Not some pet that you speak baby to.

Jared was an American trying to copy an Welsh accent. It wasn't working out too well for him, to be honest. Ianto would be greatly amused if he tried talking actual Welsh, not just the accent.

"So. What's the dragon's name?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So, let me get this straight. You're a doctor?"

Owen sighed. "Yes. Hence the **Doctor** Owen Harper."

"And this is your laboratory?"

"No. This is my morgue." _I __knew__ I should've went for the mad scientist look..._

"Oh, I see."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. You treat dead people. Cool."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How's this working out for you?" Owen mumbled to Ianto as they trotted briskly down the aisle of the warehouse. A Weevil alert had came in and the newbies were getting some hands-on training.

"Jared thinks Myfanwy is a dragon."

Owen winced. "Ouch. Enough said."

"How are things with you and Braise?" Ianto asked, sliding between two boxes. Owen followed behind, sliding his hand to his gun and drawing it. Ianto heard the click as he took it off safety.

"Hahaha. Not." Owen drawled sarcastically. "I think he's secretly hoping that I'm going to rise some one from the dead or something."

Ianto game him a sympathetic look in which Owen returned. "I think Tosh's doing pretty well with her temp, though."

"Always was a weird one, she." Owen replied. "Wait - what was that?"

Ianto listened, and then Owen and him were running. Ianto skidded and jumped on top of a metal box, and then hoisted Owen up by hand. "Y'know," Owen said, "Maybe this won't be too -"

_BANG!_

"OW! HE GOT ME! HE GOT ME!"

Owen and Ianto shared a look.

Some one hit the lights - Gwen presumably - and they were blinded by light. The first thing Ianto and Owen saw was Braise, rolling around on the ground with his eyes closed. His gun was in his hand. Also his foot.

"Oh for God's sake, he shot himself." Owen said, annoyed as he hoped off the box.

"I'm _dying here_ and you have no compassion what so ever!" Braise shouted. "Call an ambulance!"

Gwen, Tosh, and Casey came running around the corner with their guns drawn out in front of them.

"Where's the weevil? And what the bloody hell happened to him?" Gwen nodded at Braise, who was now howling.

"The Weevil got me! He shot me!" Braise said, still howling.

"May I quote the Americans' for a moment?" Ianto asked politely. Then. "The Weevils are coming! The Weevils are coming!"


	4. Hey, did you decorate in here?

**Authoress Note: I'm having a really good time writing these. I love portraying Gwen as I imagine she was when Jack left, trying to keep them all afloat. However, I've decided to torture Gwen some more with dumb ideas. Poor Owen and Ianto. **

**Prompt: "Hey, did you decorate in here?" - Jack, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang**

"Okay, fine. I admit it was a dumb idea."

Silence.

Gwen sighed in an annoyed way and collapsed in an armchair. "You know, you aren't supposed to agree with me when I say something I did was dumb."

Owen, whom Ianto guessed made up smart remarks for the ready before he came in each morning, was ready for that. "Ooh, no it wasn't stupid Gwenny girl." He said with a smile as he walked past her on the way to his desk. "I mean, hey. We only had to retcon three people because one was rubbish and shot himself in the foot, number two got arrested by the PCs, and three crashed all of our systems when Toshiko went to the toilet. Everything happens for a reason!"

"Do shut up, Owen." Gwen moaned, covering her face with her hand.

Owen shrugged. "You asked for it."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Okay, my last idea was bad. But we have nothing else to do, so I've come up with an project for all of us."

Owen, who heard this from the morgue, howled with laughter. "Here we bloody go again!"

Gwen, as usual, ignored this. "It's pretty bland in here, isn't it?"

Ianto glanced up from his position of under the stairs. Toshiko had complained about it squeaking every time she stepped on it and finally Ianto got bored enough to deal with it. "Well...I guess." He said, when it was apparent no one else was going to offer any reply. "Why?"

"Well, I was browsing a book shop the other day... and I found this!" Gwen said, holding up a book. It had a white cover, with a picture displaying a very colourful office. The title, in bold, said, "**Decorative Offices!"**.

..."Oh." Toshiko and Ianto said, both at the same time.

"What is it?" Owen called from the morgue. "A movie titled, "How To Fire Your (ONCE) Fellow Partners?'."

"Erm. No." Ianto said. "It's an office decorative book."

Silence.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Where would you like this?" Ianto asked, wincing.

"Um. I don't know..." Gwen trailed off, deep in thought.

"Oh, take your time. After all, I can always buy a new back when this one breaks." Owen drawled.

"Over there." Gwen said, pointing. Owen started moving backwards.

"Oh, not there!" Toshiko said. "I always take that way to the loo."

"Well, climb over it!" Owen said, annoyed. Toshiko glared.

"Over there, then." Gwen said, pointing in another direction.

"Oh, not there either." Ianto said, casting Owen a 'sorry!' look. "I always go that route to the archives."

"Let's just put it in the bloody basement then!" Owen howled. "Or does someone go down there to go out the back door?"

"Let's just put it right there." Gwen said, pointing to the middle of the room. "Anyone who has any problems can just go around it."

Owen and Ianto moved the couch to the middle of the room.

"Oh God!" Gwen screamed.

"OW! WHAT?" Owen yelled, after yanking his foot out from under the couch.

"It looks bloody **terrible!**"


	5. A Sobering Moment

**AN: Thanks everyone for your reviews! This one isn't really funny, except maybe for the humorous note at the end, but I really need more inspiration. So. If anyone has any prompts, whether it be sad or funny, about Owen, Ianto, or both, et cetera, PM or review!**

"Owen...I need to ask you a few things."

Owen looked at Ianto before he got off the floor. The autopsy table was now fixed to his liking, and it no longer made that awful groaning noise whenever something heavier than 100 pounds was set upon it. Owen then walked around and followed Ianto out of the morgue and into the spare room.

Ianto slid into a chair behind a computer - not one of the high-tech computers like the one in the main room, but more of a big, square monitor and a Dell system. Ianto motioned to the chair on the other side of the desk and pulled up a window on the computer by using a mouse. Owen, as he complied, glanced at the mouse pad. The Torchwood logo was tattooed on it. How surprising (not).

"Yes, Ianto?" Owen asked.

"I feel uncomfortable asking you, but I never got the chance when you first joined up. I was organizing our files and noticed that I never got it done."

"Spit it out, Ianto."

Ianto said flatly, "What would you like it to say on your death certificate?"

There was a small silence. Owen swallowed, looking away, pretending to think this over even though Ianto knew better. If you looked at Owen, you'd never guess that he had a phobia of death. He worked in a morgue, watched people die every day when he was a doctor, killed a few aliens even. But no one was perfect, and that was the way Owen was.

"So, is this a multiple choice question or can I pull something from a hat?" Owen joked weakly.

"You can pretty much whatever you like. We can have it that you go down nobly saving a girl from a house fire, if you'd like. We can have witnesses and everything."

Owen gave him a dirty look. Ianto shut up.

Ianto typed out Owen's requests as he stared blankly at the computer screen. It wasn't what Ianto had expected at all: Owen wished to have "Death caused by accidental shooting. Details not known." on his death certificate, and no one would be notified of his death. Ianto, to say the least, was surprised. Which was why he had to ask when they were done and Owen was walking out the door.

"May I ask?"

Owen sighed and turned, leaning against the doorframe. "Go ahead."

"Why would you want it to say your death was accidental?"

Owen considered this for a moment, before he looked at the ground. "Because that is the way I'd like to go. I don't want any car crashes, no dramatic deaths. I know it sounds stupid, and over-used...but I want to die doing this job."

With that he turned and exited the door, presumably going to annoy the living hell out of Gwen some more.


	6. Owen Can Be Rude

"Gwen," Ianto said, walking briskly out of Jack's office. "The PM just called, again. He wants to go over some things with Jack, and I told him Jack was not available right now. I told him I'd get back to him ASAP, but it's up to you."

"Shouldn't we tell him Jack's gone?" Toshiko piped up. "He's going to have to find out eventually. I mean, we can't keep it under wraps forever."

"No, that'd bring up a whole set of questions that we don't have time to make up answers for. Just tell him that Jack is on sick leave and he's left the team to me, Ianto."

_The team. Like we're not even human beings anymore; just a possession that can be passed on._

"I'm afraid I can't do that." Ianto said, folding his hand behind his back.

"Why not?"

"Because he - the Prime Minister, that is - is getting quite impatient. He said he needed to see Jack, _or someone_, or he would cut off all of our funding right now."

Owen rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up on his desk. "Like that would hardly faze us." He snorted and looked around. "If we put half of the junk around here on Ebay and auction it off..."

Gwen gave him a stern look. "Owen Harper, we are not auctioning off alien artifacts, not to mention weapons, that could destroy the world, to people. Besides, we need them."

Owen snorted, but wisely did not comment.

Gwen swiveled in her chair where she was facing Ianto again. "Okay, go set up an appointment for nine o' clock tomorrow, AM. I had always thought that Jack had meant _completely_ outside the government, but apparently not. So, I guess it's best not to fight it."

Ianto nodded, turned, and walked back towards Jack office.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I've told you, Prime Minister, you cannot talk to Jack because he is bed-ridden sick. No, not over the phone either, sorry. Because he can barely get out a few words before he starts coughing. Erm, he had to write it down to tell us. No, there is no possible..."

Owen, who had been leaning against the doorframe, marched in and plucked the phone from Ianto's hands. He put the phone to his ear and walked over to the glass window.

"Hello, Prime Minister, Doctor Harper, second in command here. Yes, yes, I'm fine thanks. I've heard you've been giving Ianto some trouble, and well, y'know how Jack gets protective...mmhmm. Well, I've since turned pretty much all of the official stuff over to former PC Gwen Elisabeth Cooper and since Jack is out sick, you're going to talk to her or not at all. Now if you could squeeze her in at nine that'd be great. Thanks."

Owen turned and tossed the phone back. Ianto caught it skillfully, cautiously putting it to his ear only to find a dial tone.

Ianto glared at Owen. "That was _rude_. Not only was it rude, but it was directed at the Prime Minister, which is beyond rude."

Owen shrugged. "What a shame."


	7. Hate Me

_**Hate me today,**_

_**Hate me tomorrow**_

_**Hate me for all the things**_

_**I didn't do**_

_**for you**_

Cardiff really was beautiful at night.

All of the lights, illuminated in the night sky, shone brightly. Flat windows that were previously alight with yellow light were being hidden by drapes, stores and shops were closing for the night, dogs were called inside by their drowsy owners. All of this was intensified by one thousand; from the top of the rooftop. Jack's rooftop, as Ianto always called it.

"So, how's that bloody 'faith' working out for you?"

Ianto didn't turn around, for he knew whom it was. But he wondered how long Owen had been standing there behind him. Had he followed him up when he first saw him go?

"What do you mean?" Ianto sighed.

"Well, let's see." Owen said, coming over to plop down beside Ianto. "You're up here, feet dangling off the side of a tall building, with a drink of vodka in your hand. You've got to be bloody suicidal to do that."

"Jack used to do it."

"Point proven." Owen said smugly. Ianto sighed in irritation. He was right.

"Fine, maybe I'm suicidal. What's it to you?"

Owen was silent. Ianto wasn't going to hold his breath waiting for an answer, because he knew Owen wasn't going to reply.

"Misery loves company, I s'pose."

Owen briskly reached across Ianto, a dangerous task since he was leaning over the edge, and grabbed the bottle of vodka, which was half empty.

"There's not another glass." Ianto stated.

Owen shrugged, before taking a drink from the bottle. "Never stopped me before."

Ianto snorted, before turning his attention back to the city below them. The cars slowly drifting down the road were decreasing as the night became more and more late. Ianto glanced at his watch - 12:00 PM on the dot. He had been up here since - 11:30? Half an hour.

"Do you miss it?" Owen asked after a moment. "Not working in Torchwood? Living a normal life?"

"I used to work in Torchwood Two before I worked with this Torchwood." Ianto said, downing the rest of his glass and reaching for the bottle Owen was holding. Owen handed it over without looking away from the street below.

"Why did you join Three, then?" Owen asked. "I mean, you've been here longer than I have. And that's a damn long time, and then working at another Torchwood before this one?"

Ianto shrugged. "Lisa needed Torchwood. _I_ needed Torchwood."

A man was having a fight with some one who appeared to be his wife. She screamed obsceneties at him as the man stood out on the lawn, before some thing flew out the door at him. It looked to be a shoe.

Owen looked wistful. "I envy you for that, you know."

Ianto raised an eyebrow at him as the screaming below them continued. "You envy me because I acquired a job because my girlfriend was dying, I lied to my boss's face every day of every bloody month that went by, and then when she went mad I had to clean up the mess after my team mates, you including, pumped her full of holes?"

Owen barked out a laugh, reaching for the bottle again. "Screwed, isn't it? But you had time, more than enough time, to spend with her with the hope she'd get better. You even got a proper goodbye speech in before she died."

"But it's never enough time to spend with the one you love." Ianto stated.

"And when you finally think it's getting better..." Owen sighed.

"Never does. You can spend your time screwing some body who doesn't give a shit if they ever see you again, you can work until you can't work any more..."

"You can drink vodka on rooftops in the middle of the night..." Owen suggested helpfully.

"And the moment that you remember her again, all of it comes crashing back." Ianto finished.

Owen nodded, and they passed the bottle around again.

"Can I ask a personal question?"

"Leave it to you to ask." Owen grunted. "But yeah."

"What did it feel like to be left by Diane?"

Owen sighed in exasperation. "Does every one in this bloody country know about that?"

"No, just every one in Torchwood." Ianto said, his turn to be smug.

Owen made a noise that sounded like 'humph'. Ianto did not expect a reply, but since Owen seemed to be pretty well carefree by now, he was surprised yet again.

"Hurt, at first. When she left the note, when she took off and made me stand there and watch her literally fly out of my life."

"And then?" Ianto nudged when Owen trailed off.

He smiled sardonically. "And then the alcohol kicked in, and I was pissed. It was like, what did I do to deserve this? What immoral and tragic sin had I committed to deserve having my heart tore out twice in a row?"

"Two seems to be an unlucky number." Ianto drawled. His heart skipped a beat as he saw Lisa, and then Jack replaced the image. Both were gone now.

"Yeah, well, I think I get the bloody point. There isn't going to be a third time."

"What about..." Ianto trailed off.

"Pardon?"

"Aren't you and Tosh...?" Ianto shrugged. Owen cocked an eyebrow at him before he snorted.

"Tosh, well I think I've already stated my opinion about Tosh. The day her and me could work out is the day that I become living dead. Which is not happening any time soon, I don't think."

Ianto smiled. "Well, _I_ hope not."

Owen scooted a inch away from him. "Don't get all sentimental on me, Tea-boy. My shoulder is still recooperating, thanks very much."

"_I __**was aiming for your bloody SHOULDER.**_" Ianto said, exsperated. "You do not seem to get that through your one-track mind. Next you'll say I was aiming for your foot."

"It's a possibility, with your bad aim."


	8. Alochohol

_Bang bang bang._

Owen opened his eyes, listening. As his eyes wandered to the clock, he swore under his breath. Who would be knocking on his door at three in the bloody morning?

_BANG BANG BANG._

"Alright, already! I'm coming." Owen shouted, throwing back the covers and scrambling for a pair of jeans that lay forgotten on the floor. As he grabbed a clean shirt from the dresser and dragged it over his head he flipped on a light. Then he grabbed his gun from the bedside and vowed to shoot whoever was waking him up this early.

Owen aimed the barrel at the door and reluctantly opened the door, prepared for a alien or a robber of some such.

What he got however, was an Ianto and, even more scary, a Gwen bloody Cooper.

"Put that down." Ianto snapped, looking irate as he glared at the man in front of him. He hadn't even flinched at having a gun aimed at his head, Owen thought sadly. Would've been nice revenge if he had at _least_ scared him.

"Hi, Owehn." Gwen said, bursting into a fit of giggles as she leaned against Ianto. "Youh didn't neehd to get dress for meeeee."

Owen cocked an eyebrow at Ianto before lowering his gun, clicking on the safety. Then he tucked it in the back pocket of his jeans, just incase. Ianto looked as if he might try to grab it and shoot Gwen in the foot with it. Owen didn't blame him.

Ianto didn't bother to wait to be invited in, just shoved his way past Owen with Gwen in tow. Owen shrugged, before following them into his living room. He stayed a fair amount of distance away from Gwen, who was still giggling as she looked around the bright room before stumbling over to the window.

"Is she...?"

Ianto snorted. "What do you think?"

"She's either high or drunk. I'm voting drunk." Owen deadpanned. Lovely.

"She arrived on my door step telling me she loved me." Ianto said, clearly freaked out. Owen patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. "I think she and Rhys had a fight."

"Rhys," Gwen repeated from the window. "Who neehds Rhys? I've got Iaaannntoo." More giggling.

Ianto collapsed on the couch, burying his face in his hands with a groan. Instead of his usual fancy suit-and-tie garb, he was casually dressed in a T-shirt and tight-fitting jeans, with mussed hair and tired eyes. He was also wearing tennis shoes, Owen noted.

"Okay," Owen said wisely. "I know why _you're_ here. And before you ask, yes you can borrow my couch for one night. But why didn't you just lock Gwen in your bathroom before you came over?"

Ianto lifted his head to glare at Owen. "Actually, I was assuming you'd take care of Gwen so I could go home and get some sleep."

"Why me?" Owen yelped.

"Because you _slept with her_, hence she's your responsibility!"

"Yeah," Owen said, not denying it. "But she's in love with _you_, pal. Tough luck, I know. She's a pain in the arse. But that's how the ball rolls."

"She is NOT in love with me." Ianto argued. "She is _drunk_, and she's looking for the nearest man who will take care of her. Since she's already been in your bed once already, she wants to shag _me_ now."

Silence.

"Well!" Owen said cheerily. "Have a nice night then, Jones. Hopefully she's a better ride drunk than she is sober. Turn off the light when you leave."

Owen made a quick retreat towards the bedroom but Ianto was taller and faster, hence Owen only getting a few steps before Ianto grabbed the back of his shirt and _tugged_, hard. Owen stumbled and landed on the floor, yelping when he suddenly got a very painful reminder of the gun in his back pocket. Quickly he grabbed it and threw it, hard as he could, at Ianto. Ianto caught it before it could hit him, flipped it where he was holding the barrel, and handed it back to Owen with a smug smirk. Owen glared.

"Now nowh, boyss." Gwen said, misunderstanding the situation. "No neehd to fight over meee. There'sh enough to go aroouunnndd."

"Look here, sweetheart." Owen growled, scrambling to his feet. "_I _certainly don't want you, and from the looks of it neither does Tea Boy over there. The last thing I need is being woke up because you had a fight with your boyfriend - who, may I add, you cheated on and - oh, don't cry, please."

"Now you've done it." Ianto snapped, as Gwen started sobbing - loudly. Owen wouldn't be surprised if his landlord came knocking and telling him to get the bloody hell out. Then he felt guilty - not very much, as Gwen was arrogant and ignorant to them all for the past couple of weeks - but she had been trying. And maybe he had went a little too far with the whole cheating-on-Rhys business. Even if it was the truth.

Ianto, seeing that Gwen's sobbing wasn't ceasing, attempted to hug her. She cried into his chest, ruining his shirt. Ianto rested his chin on top of Gwen's head - the perfect position to glare at Owen with all his might.

"Oh, Gwen, I didn't mean it." Owen said.

Ianto's glare increased. _Try harder._

"And, I, erm, well..." Owen tried to think of some way to make it up to her that wouldn't put him in a position to actually do it. "I'm, ah, sorry..."

Ianto sighed in agony, rolling his eyes towards the roof, but Gwen's shoulders stopped shaking.

"Buht it's trueh." Gwen sniffed. "I c-c-c-c-cheated on R-R...RHYS!" She howled, before launching into another series of sobbing.

_Don't look at me like that, Ianto. _Owen thought darkly.

_Because you're totally innocent._ Ianto's face said it all.

_Yes, I am! It's not my fault she's unfaithful to her chubby boyfriend, now is it?_

_You were flirting with her ever since she walked through the door!_

_I flirt with everyone! It's not like she was special or anything!_

Their silent conversation stopped abruptly when Gwen sank in Ianto's arms, and Ianto grabbed her before she could hit the floor. Gently, he lied her on the couch. Her eyes were closed, her body was completely limp.

"Must've passed out. Knew it was going to happen sooner or later." Owen mumbled, but checked for a pulse never the less.

"I bloody _hate you, _bloody Owen _Harper!" _Ianto snarled, rather loudly.

"Yes, well." Owen replied, thinking of what to do with Gwen. "That feeling is mutual, thank God."

Finally, with a suffering sigh, Owen picked Gwen up and motioned for Ianto to get the door. Ianto did so, a confused look on his face. But he followed Owen out the door.

"What are you doing with her? God help me, Owen, if you try to dump her anywhere..."

"Oh shut up, Jones. I'm going to take her back to her apartment, with or without your help."

"Why don't you just..." Ianto trailed off as his brain clicked. Gwen, seeing as how drunk she was, would most likely not remember the parts of her intoxication. If she woke up in Owen's flat - again - it would confuse _and_ devastate her. She'd probably think that she had run off to shag Owen after Rhy's and her fight. However, if she woke up in her own bed...

"That's...thoughtful, of you." Ianto said finally. Owen didn't reply.

Ianto hurried to open the doors of Owen's car, and watched as Owen laid Gwen in the back seat with care, taking time to brush her bangs away from her face before straightening, a hard look on his face. Her whisked past Ianto and slammed the driver's side door. Ianto slid in beside him, glancing in the rear mirror. A short silence issued between them.

"You still love her, don't you?" Ianto asked quietly.

"I never _was_ in love with her." Owen snapped.

"But while it lasted I thought..." Owen sighed. "I thought that everything in my life that was screwed would go away. If I could pretend that I had nothing outside of Torchwood, nothing outside of Gwen, I would be okay. I would forget Katie if I had Gwen. That's how it had already been with every other women and that's how it was for Gwen."

"That's selfish." Ianto commented, glancing in the back seat to make sure Gwen hadn't awoken to hear this heartfelt confession. She hadn't.

Owen snorted. "And you're not selfish at all, Jones. Right."

"What do you mean?" Ianto snapped, irate with his team-mate once more.

"You hid your girlfriend in our _basement_. And don't tell me that was for _her_, because if it had been, you would've killed her mercifully instead of letting her turn into a murderer." Owen said, when Ianto opened his mouth to reply. "Then you start sleeping with Jack, who _did_ have the balls to kill her. After you swear to watch him suffer and die, when he was only trying to help you."

"How," Ianto said, "Did Jack help me? I find that hard to believe."

Owen looked at him for a long moment, before he turned his attention to the road.

"Let's see...he gave you a choice that you could be the one to do the mercy killing because he bloody _loved_ you, you arse. It wasn't any secret that he liked you the best out of all of us. He continued to worship the ground you walked on, even when you lied blatantly to his face every day, you betrayed him, you nearly killed us all. You chose _her_ over him and it nearly killed him.

"_Then_ he had to kill her in front of you. Then he watched you mourn over her. Then he had to put up with you complaining about how your last shag was Lisa, how you missed her, blah blah blah. _Then_ you turned on him again and chose me over him. Then you stand by and let me shoot him. God almighty, Ianto, I'm surprised he didn't shoot your arse after all that."

Ianto was silent. Owen, he admitted grudgingly, was right on everything. And yet Ianto still couldn't stop himself from hating Jack for leaving, but wanting him back nonetheless. Was that selfish?

_Yes._

"Don't dwell on it, Jones." Owen said briskly, before opening his door and Ianto realised they were at Gwen's flat.

Ianto followed him and opened Gwen's door. Owen picked her up, the same gentleness as before, and marched towards the flat.

"How are we going to get in?" Ianto asked.

"Through the window." Owen said sarcastically. "Come on Jones, wake up. There's a door for a reason."

"What if it's locked?" Ianto snapped, tired of Owen's attitude.

"It's not."

It was.

"Okay, Doctor Owen Harper, what are we going to do now?" Ianto asked smugly when Owen couldn't get the door knob to turn. Owen took a moment to turn and glare at the man before turning back to the door and studying it intensely. "An alien artifact would be useful right about now," He grumbled. "What's their use if we can't even use the damned things?"

Owen, not discouraged, motioned for Ianto to take Gwen. Hesitantly, Ianto accepted her and tried to arrange it where she wasn't going to fall, but where he was touching her as little as possible. She reeked of alcohol.

"You're going to break and enter?" Ianto said, incredulous.

"Yes. Want to help me with it, Oh Experienced One?"

Ianto didn't bother answering, but instead watched as Owen pulled something from his pocket and inserted it into the key hole but it was too dark to see what it was. The door opened after a few minutes, and Owen took Gwen back into his arms before stepping into the flat. Ianto followed, feeling sneaky that they were doing this.

_"Who the bloody hell are you?"_

Owen and Ianto whirled to face Rhys, who was standing in the bedroom door with a baseball bat in hand. And then he saw Gwen, limp and motionless in Owen's arms. He dropped the bat.

"What happened to her?" Rhys demanded.

"Now now," Owen started hastily, "I want you to know that I had nothing to do with this and this is all Gwen's bloody fault -"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Bloody hell," Owen moaned, opening his eyes. His view was blurry, mostly due to the constant pounding in his head. Gingerly he put his hand to his head, shifting on the couch - couch? - under him.

"Try not to move much, you'll only hurt worse." Said a familiar voice.

"Where am I?" Owen moaned again, closing his eyes to block out the pain.

"My flat," Ianto said bluntly, moving into view.

That explained the couch, Owen thought, opening his eyes. He blinked.

Ianto's flat was not what he expected. Instead of a clean, vacuumed floor, it was actually faded and looked in need of a desperate wash. Shirts and ties were strewn across the chairs, couches, and armchairs throughout the room. Coffee mugs littered the coffee table, which was incredibly dusty. Broken glass and shattered beer bottles were strewn in a corner, as if some one had a breakdown and started randomly throwing things. There were no picture frames, as Owen had imagined there'd be. No signs of Torchwood, no signs of Jack or Lisa or any other past lovers that Ianto may have had.

The flat was dark due to dark purple curtains drawn over the windows. These, too, were full of dust.

"Not what you expected." It was a blunt statement more than a question, so Owen said nothing.

"Shocking, isn't it?" Ianto continued, casually. He set a mug of steaming coffee down on the table beside Owen. "Neat-freak Ianto Jones, Cleaner Upper Of Everyone's Shit, General Support of Torchwood. Turns out I'm not the illusion that everyone thinks, how bloody shocking is _that_?"

"I'm not here to fight with you or to discuss your house-cleaning habits." Owen snarled.

"Exactly. You're here because you ran your mouth, pissed off Rhys, and then got the shit knocked out of you. _That_ is why you're here."

"Piss off." Owen groaned, but reached for the mug of coffee anyway. Ianto smirked.

"How is Gwen?" Owen asked after a moment, setting the mug back down with a wince. Ianto frowned, debating whether it was because of Owen's pain or the taste of the coffee.

"I wouldn't know." Ianto said finally. "She was still unconscious when Rhys carried her off to the bedroom. I'd imagine she's having quite the hangover this morning."

Owen smiled. "Revenge!" He deadpanned, and then groaned a minute later as another wave of pain washed over him. Ianto watched him, his face blank of emotion as he watched Owen swear under his breath. Ianto reached up and ran a hand through his unruly hair, sighing. Why was he doing this for Owen? After all of the things that twat had done to him, all of the names and the smirks when he knew he hit a nerve, and here Ianto was, caring for him. He could have just dragged him back to his apartment, dumped him on the floor, and got back to Ianto's own business. But he didn't.

Ianto sighed, wondering if something had screwed up his brain while he was sleeping or something. "Get up and go take a shower. You can borrow some clothes and then we'll head over to Torchwood. Tosh is probably wondering what the bloody hell everyone is doing." He said briskly, before heading off into the direction of, Owen assumed, his room. Owen lay there for a moment, staring blankly at the ceiling, before he sighed and slowly swung his legs over the side of the couch. He swore when the room blurred briefly, before another searing pain went through his forehead. Faintly, he heard a chuckle. Owen scowled.

Owen stood, ignoring the pain and the dizziness. He never knew that Rhys could pack such a punch.


End file.
